Saturday, February 20, 2010

Ready: Feedback Please!

Here you have it--the new and improved site. But I couldn't have done it without the maverick, spavel--an amazing master Blogger--and a sixteen year old who happens to bare my last name. See, children can be sweet--twenty bucks sweet. :)

So I'm ready to post that addendum as I promised yesterday. Embed Thy comments, please!! You can now. Yay!

Early Fall One Year Ago

Part One: Pulse

On a damp autumn night when the air floated heavily in the fog, sometimes the moon showed itself just right. In an eerie way, it felt familiar: peculiar and foretelling. He’d suggested they search these woods, although he hadn’t told them why. The same pulse—a beacon—that had flushed through him years before was there. He would never forget that heartbeat, that hope as he was carried from the bloody massacre and into the shame of a world not his own.

“Head out, but stay close,” Viktor told them, feathering his fingers through his jet black hair and closing his eyes to mentally link. Kahl…Embree, push them towards the outer perimeter, track them, and meet with the others. No one touches them until we know who sent them. Spurring War is not the answer.

Mercedes gripped his forearm, giving her the ability to share thoughts. What do you suspect?

Nothing.

Justice and I will take the far ridge.

Be careful, M, he urged.

“Caution,” Mercedes scoffed.

“Ooh, is this too much for you, big sis?” Justice taunted in baby blabber, but was silenced instantly as Mercedes’ scarlet hair flamed, and her long leg jutted out, ramming the chucky heel of her shoe into the top of his foot.

Roxi’s black pigtails shuddered as she chuckled and skipped in her miniskirt and mid-calf boots towards Mercedes; the netting of her tights seemed to crawl up her short legs. Justice fisted his mouth, caging his howl and making the twists of his dark hair stiffen. He knew better than to rile Viktor during a mission. Viktor was their leader by birth, despite his Uncle Grey taking over after his attack © 2010 Sheri A. Larsen All Rights Reserved.

5 comments:

  1. I highly enjoyed this! The imagery in the first paragraph really took hold of me and I found the sentences to be very well crafted.

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  3. Having now read the other post, I think the opening imagery in the last entry was more enticing. Yet the introduction of the characters/loss of the explanatory sentence in this one is more subtle and clear.

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  4. Thanks for taking a look, M & Ballerinablogger.

    M, your comments/opinions are always insightful. Merci...

    BB, so are you saying the entrance that begins 'Rhythmic...' drew you in more, but this one 'On a ...' is clearer? Does this one draw you in, too? I was torn how personal I should have it at first. Maybe I should work how disturbing it is for him to stumble upon this pulse next or work it into the dialog. :)

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