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Over the last decade, more and more incidents of bullying have come to light. People are taking it seriously. Schools and communities open their ears, more willing to hear what's unseen. Or better worded: what
sometimes is chosen not to be seen. Support groups have been started. Others have formed foundations to raise funds and awareness. There's even anti-bullying lessons taught in schools and survival methods if one is being bullied.
sometimes is chosen not to be seen. Support groups have been started. Others have formed foundations to raise funds and awareness. There's even anti-bullying lessons taught in schools and survival methods if one is being bullied.
As serious as the topic of bullying is, I'm not highlighting this topic in the manner most of us are accustomed to seeing. This bullying isn't about the kid that sat next to you in elementary school who always had his milk money stolen. It's not about the neighbors at the end of the street, who no one really knew much about but everyone called them names and talked behind their backs.
This is about self-bullying.
Our society talks about suicide, anorexia (as I did yesterday), depression, and other disorders, but fails to spotlight one major contributor to each of those ~ perfectionism and the result if one doesn't live up to his/her own image of perfect self.
I know I'm guilty of it. We've all seen someone who appears more put together than we are and find a little voice whispering inside us She's better than me or Just look at him and all he's accomplished. Wow.
We're taught to accept others for who they are, but that must also apply to ourselves. When we learn self-acceptance, our view of others clears, and our need for perfection fades. We realize we're all imperfect beings and that's what makes us individuals and ultimately special.
So today, be kind to yourself. There's only one of you, and I'm glad you're here.
I don't bully myself, though I think I probably should. My ego is notoriously good at ignoring criticism, especially self criticism in favor of doing whatever unhealthy thing is in its head right at that moment. Bad ego. Stop getting in the way all the time.
ReplyDeleteOn a serious note, very good post, and very true.
Nicky @ http://njmagas.wordpress.com/2014/04/02/b-is-for/
It is in all of us. I think it comes from doubt. When you are a child you just do. If it makes you happy you do it/wear/say it. We reach an age where we are judged by someone and then doubt is formed. From there is a battle to discover who we are and finding peace with that.
ReplyDeleteBrandon Ax: Writer's Storm
Great blog! We definitely are harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be.
ReplyDeleteThat little cruel voice that tells me I'm not good enough. Yep, I definitely know what you're talking about. I need to stick that part of me in a pocket and zip it up. Good blog post
ReplyDeleteMinnie is my alter-ego bully :) Lovely post! We all need to be kinder to ourselves.
ReplyDeleteIt's true, we are our worst critics. It's okay to want to improve and be a better person, but we should uplift ourselves, not dwell on our shortcomings. Great post!
ReplyDeleteWell said, Sheri!
ReplyDeleteLord only knows how I beat myself up over the years. Especially in my former profession as a model. Talk about striving for perfection... I was always the runt of the fashion world. Never quite tall enough, but photographed so well they accepted my 5'10" frame when all the other guys sailed over six ft. I was the size of the girls. Lol. Even some of them towered over me... LOL.
But I learned a hard lesson over the years. Definitely be KIND to yourself! If you're not, no one else will think you deserve kindness. Sadly this does happen.
Self-bullying is the worst. It is guaranteed to defeat you and so easy to do. I loved how you turned this B post into more than just a B word, but a B word with some kapow.
ReplyDeleteOften bullying others comes from being insecure in oneself. Perhaps if we were kinder to ourselves first and ended self-bullying, people would be kinder to others, too. Great post, Sheri.
ReplyDeleteHappy A to Z-ing! from Laura Marcella @ Wavy Lines
Hey, that's a great point!
DeleteGlad you addressed this other perspective on bullying. Great post. Happy A to Z month! http://lindacovella.com/my-blog/
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I know I fall prey to this all too often. I would never say or think those things about others, so why should I treat myself any differently? We need to be nicer to ourselves. It's as simple as that. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteFunny how we're more careful with others than ourselves.
Deletevery wise words for each of us - thanks
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the A to Z Challenge
Bridging Sorrow
Wow, Sheri, I'm so glad you're tackling these issues. I never thought of self-bullying, but I can see how I've been guilty of that myself. Plenty of times. Your post is a great reminder to appreciate the wonderful things about ourselves.
ReplyDeleteAw, thanks. I know so often I forget about 'me', always trying to help the kids, the hubby, etc... I have to remind myself that I'm human and have limitations.
DeleteGreat message - thank you. I think it's something most writers need to hear.
ReplyDeleteMarlene at On Writing and Riding
I'm glad to hear you think so.
DeleteThank you so much for stopping by!
What a great message. I need to remind my self of this message. I can be so hard on myself. I figured I needed to get over here to say hello as a fellow Nicole minion. Great start to A to Z.
ReplyDeleteOh this is so true. I think it goes hand in hand with writers block too because you self-bully yourself so you think you aren't good enough to write or shouldn't even think about writing and then you can't. What a great post. ~A-Z Blogger
ReplyDeleteAs what they have said the bully tends to emerge in the professional workplace where managerial positions are often filled due to educational background and/or the means to purchase partnerships. Thus, those tutored beyond their level of intelligence stroll into positions of authority. When work demands surpass their abilities, these oafs begin to browbeat and bully subordinates in an effort to camouflage their own deficiencies. As what our Almighty Father said You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. So as God's creations we shall not take any advantage to others in a negative way we must be an inspiration to them we must protect each other safety is here http://bit.ly/1nctEuL.
ReplyDeleteAnother great post, Sheri. Self-bullying is definitely a problem from everyone, but I've notice it a lot with writers that I work with. They don't think their writing is as good as it really is and are constantly comparing themselves to other writers -- which doesn't help.
ReplyDeleteThe older I get, the nicer to myself I am. I think we all self-bully.
ReplyDeleteNow that you bring it up, I think I am too. Guess self-acceptance comes with growth...and age. lol
DeleteHi Sheri .. you've raised some good points here .. and we do self-bully ourselves don't we .. I know I do - and wish I didn't - talk to myself when I get back and realise what I've done ..life would be so much easier if we could just be accepting of ourselves and of others and understand where there at ... and just accept it .. cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteSelf-acceptance is an art, isn't it? I've actually incorporated that as my main theme in the middle grade story I'm just finishing up. I know I've struggled with it my entire life.
DeleteSo true. The earlier part of my life was a constant battle with my inner bully. Nothing I ever did was good enough, everything I said came out as a stutter. Don't get me even talking about how I used to degrade myself over the way I looked.
ReplyDeleteBut as time passed, I learned to block the bully out. Okay, it shows itself now and again, but only in the looks department. Time and genes are not on my side. :)
Another excellent post, you have a great talent.
I'm a perfectionist. So I can totally relate to this!
ReplyDeleteIt's so nice to know I'm not alone.
DeleteThanks for stopping by!
Wow, Sheri, love this post! You are right on! We are often too quick to compare ourselves and focus on the things we DON'T like. It's important to remember that we are each unique and special, with different talents and gifts the Lord has bestowed on us. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteI am a perfectionist and I am guilty of judging myself against others and finding myself wanting, so I need to take some of your advice. I will try to be kind to myself today.
ReplyDeleteSophie
Sophie's Thoughts & Fumbles - A to Z Ghosts
Fantasy Boys XXX - A to Z Drabblerotic
This is so incredibly true - great post! It's so easy to compare and judge but so often judge ourselves far more harshly than we judge others. Especially with writing (then the inner bully puts on the inner editor hat and he's just as mean that way)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to take your advice and be nice to myself today :) And happy A to Z-ing!
Very encouraging, inspiring
ReplyDeleteI think the self-bullying comes when we internalize criticism from others--especially people close to us. I know so much of my perfectionism came from trying to evade or prevent ever drawing criticism from a parent. The healing process beings with saying NO to that voice that came first from the outside.
ReplyDeletePeace!
Laurel
Laurel's Leaves
Gosh, that was really wise. Nicely stated! I love your first sentence.
DeleteI am! I try! Thanks for the encouragement.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! We all need a reminder, now and then. lol (Least I do.)
DeleteThanks so much for dropping by,
Great post and I enjoyed it as you are right we do end up bullying ourselves sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great site! So glad to have come across it! Thanks for your words.
ReplyDeleteAw, you just made me blush. Thank you for your kind words! Thrilled you've found me.
DeleteHere's to more chatting...
Hello there. Just stopping by to wish you all the best with the challenge.
ReplyDeleteEntrepreneurial Goddess
Excellent advice. I really need to remember not to self-bully. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true. We are often our own worst bullies and we don't even realize it. I love this challenge!
ReplyDeleteI'm a recovering perfectionist. I never realized how much I bullied myself until someone started pointing it out. Great post, Sheri.
ReplyDeleteThanks. It does help when someone else points it out. The same thing has happened to me a few times. I've kind of honed myself to recognize when I'm doing it, now. Makes it a bit easier to scold myself. lol
DeleteThis community of writers is wonderfully supportive, but it's easy to look at those who've had great success with their books and start thinking things like, What's wrong with me that I can't do that? It's best to never compare ourselves to others, if possible!
ReplyDeleteI was the victim of bullying from a teacher when I was a kid, and later beat myself up all the time based on all those bullying lies I believed to be true. It becomes a vicious cycle. Beating yourself up is the sort of thing that causes the bullying of others as well. Love and compassion of ourselves and others are the only things that can fix it.
ReplyDeleteRandom Musings from the KristenHead — B is for 'Believe' (and Behold the Beguiling Beauty of the Beach)