What Puts Confidence, Poise, & Strength in the Title Mrs.?

EXPERIENCE.
This edition of Featherbrained Friday is rather lengthy, but that's because it's quite personal. As most of you know, over the past five months I've been preparing to compete for a State Mrs. title. The pageant was this past weekend. At the onset of my decision to enter, I promised myself I would do this for me, my writing, the issues of reading/writing, to raise awareness for Childhood Apraxia of Speech, all while remaining true to myself. I would not bend who I am for anyone or for any reason. To Thine Own Self Be True...


When researching what this particular pageant was all about, I discover that it's mission is to uphold the lives of married woman and motherhood, what we stand for, and what we've done with our lives. I thought to myself, 'Now that's me. Something I can support.' To Thine Own Self Be True...

My image in the background

Throughout the past five months, using my experience of marriage, motherhood, and career, I have exercised what I stand for, what I've done with my life, and I've shared that with others. I've done it in a respectful and enthusiastic manner, for myself, my family and friends, as well as my amazing sponsors.

I love my school kiddos!!

Participating pushed me out of my comfort zone and out into the world again. I've been on TV, interviewed by newspapers, done some modeling and been a spokeswoman, entered a nation picture book contest, given a writer's workshop for middle grade students who are sending me their work to edit, and gained the respect of my family, friends, and community.

In November, while I was in Cancun celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary, contestant numbers were chosen. I was chosen Contestant #1. To be honest, that didn't bother me. I've been a performer all my life, so I don't have much fear of the stage.

Fast-forward to the weekend before the pageant. We had a workshop to learn our opening number and go over a sequence for the bathing suit number. As our fabulous instructor (and she really is fabulous) taught us, many of the other contestants, not being trained in dance, had questions. Some turned to me for answers. I answered their questions, directing them to be their best. To Thine Own Self Be True...

Rehearsal...

During our pageant weekend rehearsals, I ended up being an intricate part of each group stage performance.  Being Contestant #1, I cued the other contestants on music and when to start steps. I set the stage by entering with force to get the audience's attention. I even counted an 8-count on stage, so the contestants could catch the next step together and had an extra 4-count added to my dance to alert the other ladies when to catch the music. To Thine Own Self Be True... 

On stage rehearsals...me in red skirt.

Rehearsal Day One was a long day. Walking in five-inch heels for ten hours can take it's toll. Once again, because of my vast experience, I expected this so I was prepared. Others were not. One, who ended up being the winner, needed help with blisters on her feet. I helped her pad her shoes with moleskin to keep the shoes from irritating her blisters. I was asked why I would help her. And to that, I asked myself this question: Would I want to win anything in life, knowing that an opponent wasn't up to par? To Thine Own Self Be True...

Some of you may also be thinking 'Why on Earth was she helping the other contestants?' Because that's who I am, and as I mentioned at the beginning of this article, I would not bend my inner self for anyone or for any reason just to get ahead. To Thine Own Self Be True...

That decision exudes the confidence, poise, and strength I feel gives purpose to the title Mrs.

My amazing husband, Artie.

Confidence comes from muscling through life's challenges and disappointments, and coming out the other side more resilient than before.

Poise is a sense of humility, mingling with self-assurance in who you are and the ability to demonstrate that through graceful walking and posture.

Strength must be forged under pressure, steam, and heat. With each of these, new building blocks of strength are cast, giving a woman the strong foundation and ultimately walls with which to support others.

Me in blue with some of the contestants getting
ready for the fitness competition.

Not being awarded the crown was perfectly okay with me. It would possess approximately three-fourths of my weekends during the upcoming year, which would have been detrimental to my large family. However, being snubbed for the top five felt very unfair. I don't hold the three directors, who organized the event responsible. Those three ladies are respectable, full of class, and had absolutely nothing to do with the end result. Also, I mean no disrespect to the amazing ladies who were chosen. I truly heart them all for their talents, strengths, beauty, and resilience.  But collectively, the five didn't possess my experience of marriage for 20 years and motherhood of 18 years. Now, I can see if I wasn't a concise speaker (during my interviews, I had three of the five judges compliment me on that), was unintelligent and ugly, didn't look good in a bathing suit, or couldn't walk in heels. According to audience members other than my family and friends, none of those were the case. They were as confused as I was at the snubbing I received.

Me, leading the other ladies.

Now this is what truly stung. A few of those wonderful ladies had only been married one year, three, or four years; some had no children. How can they exude all that marriage and motherhood stands for, when their experience has been so short? (It's like undergoing heart surgery and being given the choice between a heart surgeon with 20 years of experience or the young surgeon just out of med school.) Then directly after the top five were announced, the pageant awarded me with a Marriage Longevity award. Talk about a slap in the face. That act totally contradicted what this pageant supposedly stood for and nosedived my confidence and support for the pageant. With saying that, I DO believe longevity in marriage should be recognized. It is a feat. For my experience, the timing was simply poor. To Thine Own Self Be True...


But life is not always fair, and things don't always turn out as they should for whatever reasons. People are individuals and have an array of opinions just as subjective as the publishing world. I.E. my writer friends can fully relate. I've taken this and used it as a teaching experience for my children, who span the ages of 18, 15, 13, & 8. To Thine Own Self Be True...


Throughout the two days of rehearsal, many of the contestants shared with me their gratefulness that I was Contestant #1, that I had amazing stage presence which gave them confidence to get out there, and that I was truly a leader. Isn't that what a Mrs. should be: a self-confident yet humble leader, who motivates others to strive for more and better themselves? Maybe that was my true purpose for being a part of this. No need for a pat on the back. To Thine Own Self Be True...

If the judges didn't want, at the very least, to recognize a woman who is self-sacrificing, a humble leader, a commander on stage, a wife and mother with oodles of experience to share and motivate others, an intellect willing to teach yet remain open to continued learning, a writer with the passion to aid our state through her education endeavors, and an Apraxia of Speech advocate who's already hooked up with a national organization willing to back her, then I'm okay with that. They simply decided to highlight Mrs. in a different way. I will still follow my dreams and achieve my goals.

Am I scorned? No. This experience gave me another opportunity to demonstrate how I take life off the chin, let it fuel me to become an even stronger woman and a classy example of what is truly meant by the title Mrs.

After it was all over and despite the confusion threading my family, friends, and some audience members that I didn't even know, my youngest child - CJ, my 8-yr-old with Apraxia of Speech - said, "But Ma, at least we all know and we're all here supporting you."

Yeah...To Thine Own Self Be True...


Here's a little gift from me to you.