Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Mommy Slash Writer's X-Mas List

SPLATTER NOTICE:  For the first time since I began blogging almost eleven months ago, I have decided to unplug--no personal blogging or posts--from December 24th until January 3rd. I will miss you all terribly. My GUT tells me (& the awesomeest Shannon Whitney Messenger knows what I mean), that the new year will bring a new and busy adventure for me where I won't be able to spend as much time with my family. You'll probably get sick of me. LOL

My family and I celebrate Christmas in the true Reason for the Season. It's one of the most grounding times during our year. We come together, eat (& yes, drink), sit by the fire, share our thoughts of the past year and our hopes and dreams for new one before us. MERRY CHRISTMAS. Have a safe and joyous HOLIDAY with yours and yours alike. You are in my thoughts. I appreciate each one of you. Thank you for sharing yourselves with me.

I plan on sharing a post-Christmas story with you about our decorations, traditions, and of course tons of photos!

So in my true skin, I've chosen to share a bit of SherriE humor, from the motherly perspective. BY ALL MEANS, Moms out there, add to my declaration.

"All I want to Christmas is..."

I'm sure you have as many realistic ending phrases for that song as far fetched ones. I know I do. So in a Merry'ole gesture of Tis'the Season, I thought I'd share a few of my motherly desires to increase my writing time.

~ A Laundry Machine: you read that correctly. A laundry machine, not a washer and dryer. I want the whole kit-kat-and coboodle. I want a machine that sorts, washes--and softens, of course--dries, and folds. But not only that! I want it to walk each kid's piles of clothing into their rooms and put the stinking stuff away! In every draw, shelf, and on every hanger. (This would not only afford me an extra three hours a day for writing, but save on glasses of wine at the end of said day.) 

~ An Instant Snack Generator: sure, like the one the Jetsons had. Why not? Picture the little food gorgers piling off the bus, now. Sweet! No more handmade pb&j crackers (at least not by these hands), or cut up fresh fruit. No, their most coveted snacks to appease their grumbling bellies would be at the simple tip of their grubby fingers. 'Course, in my house, they'd break the off button on the machine which would create the never-ending food line, not to mention a sticky mess. But at least I wouldn't run out of food to supply the neighborhood kids who seem to think our kitchen is a grocery store.

~ eReader embedded in my head while I'm beta reading or critiquing others' work. Now there's a real reason for an eReader. Heck, yeah. My eyes tend to be crossing all the time, seeing how I read so much. This could come with an automatic backup, frequent word finder, and maybe even stimulate the coffee maker to perk on its own. (Side effects may include frequent eye blinking, nausea, piercing migraines, as well as forgetfulness when device is not in use. Due to the large amount of energy needed to run said device, all other aspects of your life may be inhibited to the point of death...but said device may be extracted and re-implanted in a family member with the same blood type.)

Psst...DON'T read the fine print. Really, who does that??

~ Self-gassed-up vehicle: no more stops at the gas station? This would eliminate the extra writing hour a week I waste listening to at least one of the kids hymn and haw how they 'Need a drink RIGHT NOW!' only because I don't have a water faucet with me. Grr...there goes MOM, into the store to buy water, Gatorade, soda, whatever it will take to keep that kid quiet.

~ Email comptroller: OMGosh...I am the worst at controlling my emails. I probably spend 4 to 6 hours weekly, answering or just reading emails filled with response-needs, articles (which I asked for), or messages from the kids teachers/coaches about scheduling, homework, etc... I want a little dude living in MY cyberspace who reads, collates, and answers emails for me but relays all info directly into my brain. There. An invisible personal assistance who doesn't get paid or fed, and mostly DOESN'T COMPLAIN!

Now please, my precious', can you add to my list?? Dad's are included, too!


  1. LOL! Great list, Sheri! Love the laundry machine. Every wife/mother could use one of those.

    I'd like for Christmas another me. One to cook dinner, to wash dishes, clean, and to do the laundry. I'll keep the cuddle time with the small humans (and the big one) and the story time and writing time to myself.

    Merry Christmas, Sheri!

  2. You read my mind with this list!!! Happy holidays, love.

  3. Great list!!

    Have great holiday!!

  4. ha ha... love your list. I've always wanted a holodeck like from Star Trek... it'd be my retreat away from reality.

    Have a wonderful holiday and I don't blame you for taking a little break. Enjoy! Peace and love. :)

  5. great list! I especially like the snack machine. Reminds me of a dream a had some years back after my boss said we were getting something special for our clinic. I dreamt it was a sandwhich machine that made the most amazing tuna sandwiches. Go figure.

    And enjoy being un-plugged :)

  6. We'll miss you next week, but have a wonderful holiday. I love your list, especially #2. I need one of those too!

  7. I so want a laundry machine! Seriously, that would be too awesome. Such a time saver.

  8. great list! I think I'd also want a:

    DreamPen--writes down all your dreams as you sleep, guaranteed to make you the next Stephanie Meyer within a week!

    a REAL furminator (not the kind that already exists)--hovers over your pet all day long and ZAPS all stray hair into oblivion.

    come on, Santa! we have faith in you...

  9. lol, awesome list! Some great things on there. :)
    I think I want the DreamPen that Kari above me mentioned too. Yay!
    Lisa ~ YA Literature Lover

  10. That is a GREAT list! I would also want a self-refilling glass of water by their beds at night so I don't hear, "Mommy, can I have a fresh glass of water?" every night AFTER I tuck them in. AND self-drying boots, gloves, and snow-pants!

  11. @Shannon - self-drying anything works for me!! YES!

    And Kari, your dream pen RAWKS!!

  12. haha! very creative and helpful list!

  13. Love your list. I want a magic wand. Can't wait to hear what's going to keep you so busy. Have a happy holiday!

  14. This is a great wish list!!!

    Happy Holiday! :D

  15. Umm yeah, we're totally in the market for the same things. When you find an assistant who doesn't want to be paid, or fed, please let me know. Merry Christmas! Have a wonderful time with your family.

  16. I love your graffiti wall! I'm trying to catch up on my blogging, so this is a little late, but I hope you had a great Christmas!!! =D

  17. Great list. Whatever makes life easier, right?

    Have a happy New Year.

  18. Love the list!
    Hope your holidays were happy ones! Here's to a happy and healthy 2011...


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